Revenge recap: Fauxmanda Went Boom

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March 10, 2013 by Susan Miller

Happy days are over now.  RIP, Fauxmanda.

Happy days are over now. RIP, Fauxmanda.

Susan: So… it’s been awhile since we’ve written about Revenge.  Come to think of it, it’s been awhile since there was a new episode.  Do you remember what happened in the last one?

Steven: Fauxmanda died, yo! That’s all I remember specifically.

Susan: Oh yeah!  Fauxmanda totally died.  Do you think Emily will seek blood revenge, or just sneaky underhanded passive aggressive revenge?

Steven: I’m not sure what Emily Thorne will do.  This show is half expectations, half subverting expectations, half Target commercials…

Susan: I think Emily should go after the other Ryan brother first.  He had a hand in this deal with Conrad too, right?  I’m not sure how the Initiative fits into her revenge plan against the Graysons, but it seems like if she finishes off the Ryans, Aiden and Padma and Nolan can take care of the Initiative and the Initiative can take care of Conrad and Victoria.  Everybody helps!

Steven: I was kind of hoping that more people could die on that boat.  So you have the one Ryan brother – the really bad one, whose name I can’t recall AT ALL – but what about the other one?  Now he’s just going to hang around, requiring the camera to cut over to the bar for the obligatory and completely uneventful three minute bar scene where Jack, Charlotte, Declan, and now the lame Ryan brother will just stand around feeling blue collar in a white collar world…  Boo, hiss… let’s get back to Nolan or Aiden or Emily.

I also wouldn’t have minded if one of the Graysons could’ve been on that boat.  As much as I love watching them squabble, well, I don’t.

Susan: As for Nolan and Aiden, what’s next for them?  I still don’t trust Aiden or Padma, and I really don’t like them teaming up.  Plus, in the last episode, the Initiative mailed them Padma’s Dad’s finger as a sign that he was alive?  How is a severed finger a sign of life?  This whole Initiative business is a big ol lost cause.  Also a lost cause?  The Emily’s mother plot.  That’s bound to come roaring back now that Fauxmanda is dead, right?  Will they have a proper funeral?  Do they have to cover it up somehow?  Will their identities be revealed in death?  It’s hard to keep the rules of soap opera logic straight.

Steven: It all reminds me of The Big Lebowski.  Do you remember the toe they send in the mail?  I’m guessing it won’t even be Padma’s papa’s finger.  My money is on it belonging to a whole new character whose complicated back-story the writers will have to start unraveling in three minute segments.  Remember what Imad always said?  A man juggling one ball is not entertainment.  Well, I think these folks might just have the opposite problem.

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