American Idol recap: A Perfect Ten

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March 7, 2013 by Susan Miller

Results night!  I’m attempting to do this while it happens, so, um, except tangents.

All the contestants are being held backstage and they’ll be told if they made it and then forced to walk down a weird hall with lots of doors before they’re presented onstage.  Idol loves their long walks.  I suppose it would be pretty neat for the families though, to see their kids revealed like that.  And they’re going to let the contestants sing new songs?  Alright Idol. I’m on board.

Quick comment on the judges – Mariah – whoa boobs.  Why are you all shoved up in that garbage bag dress?  You make buckets of money every minute.  Why does your stylist hate you so?

Boys results are up first.  Let’s hope for quick and painless without all the “dim the lights” shenanigans.  Charlie’s just sitting there mugging for the camera, ready to make things awkward.

And the first one in is…

Paul Jolley – Whoa.  That’s legitimately surprising.  He’s happy and fluttery and I feel entirely unaffected.  He starts singing and mushing up all the words with weird phrasing.  Steven just commented that some bank should make a commercial parody of this Heart song: “How can I get you a loan?”  It would be a smash.  Paul’s version just makes me long for Carrie Underwood and Alison Iraheta.  Are the girls on yet?

Burnell Taylor – Yay for Burnell!  He’s so excited!  He almost took out Ryan with his elbow!  He’s singing a new song and rocking it out!  He’s wearing a hideous paisley shirt from the grandma collection with stylish ripped jeans and high tops.  He’s a STAR.

Curtis Finch, Jr. – Ugh.  He gets excited and I get disgusted.  Why do I dislike this nice, young, worship leader so much?  It’s the melisma that gets me, I think.  I also hate that Ryan has to key up all the fake drama.  How does he keep doing this job and not hate himself at night?  Poor Ryan.  Looking up that clip prevented me from listening to the Curtis celebration experience.  Phew.

Devin Velez – Devin just looked for the camera backstage when Ryan asked how he was.  See what I mean about that ego?  He’s like a smarmy super villain.  And yet his voice is so nice.  I actually really like this celebration song choice.  I could see this as a thing.  An actual lane that is current and popular.  Don’t go spanish, don’t go spanish, don’t go… such restraint!  I may just be able to embrace Devin after all.  Let hope endure!  And… then Nicki just crushed it by telling him to stay in the spanish/english lane.  Nicki!  How could you?  This betrayal cuts deep.

Lazaro Arbos – Ooooooooft.  Lazaro gets the last spot.  Over Nick and Cortez and even poor Vincent.  Poor Nick.  Poor, sweet, songwriting Nick.  Poor, sweet, beautiful Cortez.  It’s old school Hallmark Idol, now and forever.  I guess it’s fine.  Prepare for a female winner, America.  Hey, remember when Clay Aiken sang this song?  That was fun.

So there are the boys of season 12: Paul (ick), Burnell (yay!), Curtis (Lusky stank), Devin (surprising!) and Lazaro (the stutterer).  It’s really nice not to care.

On to the girls!

Janelle Arthur – Oh my.  The country voting bloc really is strong.  When they played back that recap of the Girls night she was much, much weaker than I remembered.  I hope she improves 400% by next week.  She’s such a sweetheart.  It would be wonderful to see her turn into a real contender.  Maybe the comeback will start… right… nope.  Better but not quite.  Lots of flats in there.  The songs she picks just seem to kill the energy in the room.  Very curious to see what’s next.

Candice Glover – !  I love that the girls all cheered when Ryan said Candice’s name.  Did any of the boys do that for each other?  I don’t think so.  Candice is rocking those red pants and looking so happy and singing like all the divas put together and releasing mad joy throughout the land.  Candice!  So exciting.

Angie Miller – Angie doesn’t seem too surprised, does she?  Maybe it’s just a game face to keep from crying.  She seems like she’s struggling with emotion through most of this song.  I love her energy and passion in every performance.  A little reminiscent of Kelly Clarkson, eh?  Oh my goodness, she even made sweet, pretty, Keith cry.  He’s the most amazing human to ever judge a televised singing competition.  His record sales are going to soar.  But back to Angie – yay!  Those sparkly pants are amazing!  Get it, girl!

Amber Holcomb – Wahoooooooooo!!!!  Amber looks awesome.  The yellow skirt and green belt and preppy navy striped top is darling.  Simultaneously super excited for her and full of dread for Kree.  What’s going to happen to our sweet, Nashville songbird?  Her male counterpart (Nick Boddington) didn’t make it.  Does that spell doom for Kree?  Ouch.  This Whitney song isn’t nearly as good as her Tuesday performance.  Maybe she’s got all the Whitney out of her system now and she can diva up some current hits.

Here we go… final spot in the top ten goes to…

KREE HARRISON!!!!!  I just let out a huge sigh of relief.  America got it right!  They left out all the pretty marketable girls and let in the singers!  And the girls are so happy!  Oh man, this is a great moment.  The show is redeemed.  I feel good and full of hope again.  Oh, she’s talking to the audience like a person.  And she’s singling with a groove and walking around and treating this stage like she’s the only damn professional in the room.  All is right in the world.

Last second twist – there will be a sing-off next week between the 6th place boy and girl for a spot on the Idol tour?  Weird.  Whatever.  Everyone got through that should and we’re on to the top 10 and the theme nights and mentors can begin and this show can finally – finally! – begin for real.


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