Revenge recap: Bye Bye White-Haired Guy

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October 11, 2012 by Susan Miller

Welcome to Revenge, new training buddy/love interest. If you get more than 5 words to say next week, I’ll even try to learn your name.

Let me just start by saying – I Freaking Knew It.  New training buddy/love interest saved the day!  With a bullet to the back!  I love it.  Mostly because I was right.  For story purposes it was only so-so.

I feel like the story is still struggling to get started this season and this episode really just moved people around a bit.  Conrad’s rehab doctor henchman folded immediately once there was no bloodwork to discuss, Daniel rescued Charlotte, then Emily rescued Charlotte, then Victoria sent Charlotte away, then Emily rescued Charlotte again, then Daniel rescued Charlotte again, then Charlotte stood next to her half-packed suitcase and basically gave up for the rest of the hour.  There was a bunch of money talk between Conrad and Daniel and Victoria and lawyers and then Conrad beat up Victoria and the cops came and then there was some discussion of a ransom note?  I stopped following the money trail completely at that point.  Over at Casa de Revenge, Nolan suddenly has employees and is being audited and doesn’t wear pants and needs a CFO and oh my god it’s so boring and awful.  Oh, and Jack’s the Daddy and no one is happy about it.  And Declan is holding stolen jewels!  Of course!  What a stunningly bad idea for a stunningly bad character!  Finally, Emily looked a lot of emotions that weren’t happy but she still glowed.  That skin!  Gorgeous.

Is Faux-Manda here to stay?

Susan: Yes…?  I was really hoping for some terrible reveal where she had the baby and it was black (Nip/Tuck anyone?) and then she had to leave.  No dice, since it looks like the baby is actually Jack’s.  Or is it?  Maybe Takeda got to the lab and switched the results!  Nothing is off-limits.  This is soap opera country.  I don’t really see a reason for Faux-Manda to stay or leave right now, which is kind of the problem with this whole season currently.  It should get better now that Victoria is back in her Hamptons bunker and everyone can stop pretending to grieve for her.

Steven: What my wife is overlooking is that not only are the situations these characters getting into melodramatic, but their entire personalities are as well.  In life, if you find out your mother doesn’t love you as much as your sister, you (a) hold a resentment for a few months, then realize you kind of suck sometimes (b) confront her about it at Thanksgiving and then refuse to bring a side to family Christmas (c) fake your own death and then sabotage her investment portfolio causing her to lose her life savings over the course of one stormy summer’s night.  With Revenge, it is always (c).  And we wouldn’t have it any other way!  So, do I think that Faux-Manda will get driven off either by Declan who knows that Jack is unhappy and wants to save him, or by her own conscience, unable to cope with the fact that THIS IS NOT HIS BABY?  Of course I do! If we’re patient, it might even be something crazier (and therefore better) than that. 

How soon will Emily hook up with training buddy/new love interest?

Susan: Well next episode, obviously.  Daniel has the puppy eyes for Emily again, so it will have to be in a place where Daniel can see them.  To add insult to injury, Daniel thinks new training buddy/love interest is Takeda’s man, and since it looks like the Graysons are suddenly broke, it will appear that Emily has traded up.  The real question is – when will I learn training buddy/new love interest’s real name?

Steven: I think they are hooking up as we write this blog post…  I for one am happy to see a more traditionally action-movie hero arrive to the Hamptons.  As much fun as Nolan is, he’s too scrawny to really help Emily out.  Daniel is buff, but I still get the impression that he can only actually fight dumb-bells.  And then there’s Jack.  A real man’s man type, but currently and totally emasculated by Faux-Manda.  If someone broke into his bar and took… I don’t know, something of value (okay I can’t think of anything Jack owns that I’d be willing to steal), I get the impression that he would just sigh, shake his head, and mutter, “Yeah, that seems about right.  The valuable thing is over in the corner…”  He was such a good foil for Daniel in the first season, and so far he’s just puttered around looking mildly terrified at the mother of his (or at least somebody’s… she is actually pregnant, right?) baby.

Argument of the Week

Mrs: I was really annoyed with the way Charlotte pronounced “aunt” but it made sense with the character.  Hamptons kids would totally say that.  Something Hamptons kids wouldn’t do?  Give random pieces of expensive jewelry to Declan to hang on to.  Seriously, who is that kid?  No introduction, no exposition, just sinister guy in the daylight being nice and then sinister guy in a dark alley with jewels.  Overt much?

Mr: I’d just like to point out that I saw “aunt” like aught not “ant” like rant. See the difference?  Phonetics, son!  But it is pretentious.  I am pretentious.  I think we always said ant in my house, and then I started watching Fresh Prince of Bel-Air… which is where I get all of my pretension, thank you very much.  But seriously, I dislike that Declan has become such an easy indicator of people’s character.  Are they nice to Declan?  They must be hatching some seriously evil plans.  Do they write him off immediately?  There must be some goodness in them after all.  Mostly I dislike this trend because Declan is dumb.  Poorly-developed, whiny character dumb.  Oh no, I guess it makes sense that we would root for people who despise him, but it does put too much responsibility in Declan’s hands, a sure sign that they won’t be getting rid of him anytime soon.  (Sad face.)  (I know how to put in a sad face, but it is sadder like this.)

Winner: Leslie Knope’s version of Parents Just Don’t Understand.

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